DadJack.com Blog

Well, Cold!  Winter, or at least as much winter as we get, is here.

I know we’ve mentioned it on the pod and CRN show, but what the heck, I’ll do it here too… On Friday Dec. 18th we’ll be having our “Unofficial Christmas Party” at The CRN Studios from 8-10p (And it very well may be our last show there, so if you’ve been wanting to come down this is it.)  We’ll be broadcasting live on CRN and Stretch will sing you Christmas Carols during the commercial breaks.

Lucy asked me if I had got a Christmas tree yet, I have not.  I actually wasn’t planning on getting one seeing as the kids will spend the majority of the month at their Mom’s, but now she asked so I have to get one.  I’m thinking something super tiny, kind of Charlie Brown Christmasesque  (Which is on ABC tonight).  I went to Target, but they didn’t have anything that caught my eye, they had a decent fake one, but I have no where to store it the rest of the year.  I did see a Rosemary bush that was trimmed into a tree shape which might work.

It’s amazing how many women Tiger has cheated with have come forward, almost 12!  What a scum, Nike, you think it might be time to drop him?  Good job Gaterade!

Ready for take off.   Like guys needed another reason to watch NASCAR.   I like this!!! I bet this looked really cool.   Nailin’ Palin.   See movies do ruin kids!  Another soap bites the dust.  Just in case you forgot.  Even the Amish get D.U.I.’s!

Rock On, Jack

I don’t know if it’s truly ironic or Alanis ironic, you know like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife, but it took my Mom coming out of the closet for my sister and I to be put into it… And I mean literally.  When my Mom asked for a divorce and moved out all she could afford was a studio apartment, so she made a bed for my sister and I inside the closet.  My Dad stayed where we had been living, there we had a room, but at Mom’s it was in closet.

I bring this up because I was thinking of my kids, what they will remember from this past year.  Will they think back on my little apartment and realize how screwed their Dad really was?

Like I have told you, my kids are roughly the same age my sister and I were when our parents divorced.  I remember much of what transpired, them sitting us down and explaining what was happening, the hard time my Dad had, the struggling my Mom did…  I haven’t really thought about it in years, but it now seems more like a mirror than memories.

It’s weird how we remember things, some things I remember but can see them in my adult perspective, and others I remember as in the moment, like I am still little 7 year old Jackie.  My parents have recently divorced, my Mom has moved out and we are in our little Burbank apartment living with my Dad, my Mom and I have a “date”, she is coming to pick me up and we are going to dinner together.  I remember getting dressed and waiting, looking out the screen door facing Buena Vista street, looking for her car to pull up.  I stood there for a while and then she drove up, I went out to meet her on the sidewalk, we got in the car and left… That’s all I remember, I don’t know where we went (although, it may have been the Coral Cafe) or what we talked about, or even her dropping me off back home.  I think this sticks out because it was really the first time in my little mind that their divorce was real, now I had to wait to see my Mom, and it was something “special”, not just dinner with your Mom like it used to be.  I can’t think back on that without being that little boy again, feeling so strange, his world changed forever.

The other day Bing didn’t want to go back to his Mom’s, not because I’m so great or he disliked her, but just because he wasn’t ready to go, he’s 3 he doesn’t understand schedules or divorce agreements.  It broke my heart for two reasons: one, I wanted him to stay with me for as long as he wanted and two, because someday he will understand and he’ll just accept that’s how it is…  Just like after awhile I didn’t stand there and look out the screen door at Buena Vista anymore, and I realized that we weren’t sleeping in the closet because it was fun, but out of necessity, And that my little life had forever been changed.

The more I read, songs I hear, art I admire, the more I realize that nothing I do is original.  It has all been written before, and better.  It has all been felt before, and deeper.  I live in awe of those who create such amazing works, that evoke emotion and actually make me relive experiences.

I lie here tonight, just over a year and a half since all hell broke loose in my life, and I type, another of so many blogs I have posted.  Tossing my thoughts, emotions, pain out into cyberspace, not knowing by who or where they will be caught.  Crafted by my heart and mind, trying to ease the discontent left in the wake of my emotional disaster.

I have not admitted this to anyone, but I still have nightmares about my break-up, for what is worth I really loved my wife, our marriage, and I haven’t yet been able to totally wipe it away.  These dreams feel so real, they bring back the exact emotions… I sometimes wonder why my brain plays such cruel games with me, why this trauma can not just be washed away.  I see so many who get hurt, or hurt, without a second thought and proceed forward without haste… That’s just not me.

But back to what I was saying, this is the case for so many, countless who have studied more and are greatly more articulate, they have crafted great works that already relate my experiences and feeling, most years before I had to confront them.  It seems that all great things have been written already and there is nothing new to express.

In the heat of my divorce I remember telling my Mom, “You know what the worst thing in the world is?  Whatever is happening to you.”  What I meant was the most engrossing tragedy for an individual is their own, not that they don’t care about others or their problems, but you have to live your life.  And it is in this that I find my uniqueness, my originality, for it has all been done before, but this is my first time, so when I write it is with the innocence of thinking I am original and the honesty of someone that is being true to their thoughts…  Or maybe it’s just the arrogance of thinking it matters.

Good Night, Jack

On the same day that there was encouraging unemployment numbers (Although I have a theory that these numbers are not accurate), I saw this comment on yesterdays blog:

tvdinner Says:
December 4th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
I’m feeling so down today because of my jobless situation.

I don’t know how much longer I can handle this. Applied everywhere and nothing is happening.

It made me sad and mad… because I can totally relate.  There are so many of us out there that bang our heads against the wall everyday trying to find a job and there is just nothing out there.  I personally have been out of work for over a year, have applied for hundreds of jobs (many of which, if I were to get, I would have still been screwed because they didn’t pay enough to cover even my most basic living expenses… But at this point something is better than nothing) and have landed nothing but a collection of rejection letters and emails .  It is an incredible blow to your psyche to not only not be able to support yourself, but your family.  It makes you feel like an outsider in society, where you are no longer a contributing member.  It wears you down, I understand you tvdinner, it is exhausting to be in the middle of such a hopeless situation.  It is one thing to have limited options… a totally different thing to have none.  I wish I could tell you it will get better, and the government would like you to think it is, but I just don’t see any signs yet.  It is a horrible time to be living in when over 10% of us can’t find work and those who are working are either under-employed or live in constant fear that they may not have a job tomorrow.  All I can say tvdinner is you’re not alone, stay strong.

The kids were over last night, fresh back from their trip.  I told you Lucy told me Bing got a hair cut, well he did, and it looks very good, it’s not short, but it’s cleaned up and out of his eyes… And that’s all I cared about, long or short, I just want him to be comfortable.  Lucy started making our holiday decorations, we make our own holiday themed drawings and art projects to put around the apartment.  It was so good to see them, it had only been a little over a week, but it seemed like forever.

There was a notice on my door this morning that I can’t have my BBQ on my balcony, although it said “Charcoal Grill”, so I am hoping that they made a mistake and I’ll be able to keep my gas grill… I use it at least once a week (In fact, I BBQ’d lunch today!)  I never received a copy of my lease, so I can’t look at the rules, I have to go to the office and actually talk to agents…. I hate having to go in there and deal with them, although it took them 3 months to get the pool fixed, so I figure I have 3 months to deal with this issue.

I received the below message from a Facebook friend:

“Jack,
A friend of mine has a daughter, Taylor,  who is my daughters age (4 1/2) who has Leukemia.  She has been to hell and back over this past year.  It looks like her dad is going to lose his job tomorrow morning therefore leaving them without health insurance.  Taylor’s mom just got a job and her health benefits won’t kick in until March.  They are going to need to do COBRA insurance for Taylor and all of her treatments.
We are trying to get her story out there and see if anyone can help.  I know, with the economy the way it is, there are MANY people out there in similar situations.  But, I think we all need to band together and help this poor, brave little girl.  We are hoping that even if people could donate $3, $4, or $5 (think of it as one trip to Starbucks) that we can help them survive until their health insurance kicks in again in March.
I have seen firsthand how great/powerful/helpful the Jack Army can be, so hopefully people can do something to help.  Even if people can’t donate, just getting her story out there means more prayers and positive thoughts for this little girl…that alone is worth a million bucks!

Here is a short video of her story

http://www.facebook.com/l/66ac3;www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPqgHjSm2Bg

And here is a link to her mom’s blog

http://www.facebook.com/l/66ac3;https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/taylorjones

Thank You very much!!!”

So if anyone out there can help, please let her know.

The Monkeys didn’t do it!  Space beer.  This chicken blows.  When Stretch said it he was kidding!  This turtle needs GPS.  Tom Brokaw is killer crash. Slim Fast finds another way to help you lose weight.  They didn’t let you hug puppies when I was in college!  No Nerf!  Good reader, bad smeller.

Rock On, Jack

To admit your affair with Tiger!  It is a horrible story, you all know how I feel about cheating, but I do like this guy!

The kids are coming over today!  It’s been over a week since I have seen them and rumor has it Bing got a hair cut!?!?  We’ll have to see if Bowling girl is now bowl cut boy?

It’s Therapy Thursday on the CRN show.  If you haven’t heard her, our Dr. Belisa is great!  And she has a new book out called Get A Grip: Your Two Week Mental Makeover… It makes a Christmas gift for a crazy friend or relative!

I’m sure you heard by now, but an old guy (82 years old) drove across Stretch’s back yard… Totally farmer’s market style!  He posted some pics on his Facebook page.

Snore rage!  Morning sickness… Get some Skoal! He is a bad elf.  Surfs up.  Mommy, look what I found in the sandbox.  He thought she’d go Elin on him! My little pony.  Something else to do this weekend. Stretch wants this now!!!

Rock On, Jack

I was just sitting here watching Inside Edition, story after story featured people that have no legitimate talent.  From Octo-Mom, to Jon and Kate, Spencer and Heidi, Balloon Dad, the White House Party Crashers… These people have devalued fame to the point that is worthless.  It has always been cool to be uncool, but I now think we have entered a world of anti-fame.

Those who truly have some talent, Tiger Woods, David Letterman, Mel Gibson, John Edwards and many others, have done their part to destroy fame as well.  Using their influence and power… Fame, to showcase substandard morals and urinate on the sanctity of marriage.  Many make the argument that they shouldn’t be held to a higher standard (First of all, I am not holding them to a standard I wouldn’t hold anyone else to, cheating is cheating, rich or poor), but they have put themselves out there as a commodity, they want us to watch their shows, buy the products they endorse, elect them, so you have effectively made yourself a product, and products are up for review.  I don’t buy products that are bad for my family or myself…  Nike, Gatorade, General Motors, American Express, you are now aligned with a product that is bad for families and children.

So, as far as I can tell, modern fame is either reserved for talentless people who can cause a big enough spectacle to gain national attention or those who use there talents to gain wealth and notoriety to mock the institution of marriage, and devalue the importance of women and wives (Showing by example that wives are just figure heads to have just to gain the appearance of being an upstanding family man and that women in general are only good for having affairs with, thus beings to use for your pleasure without true regard for their well-being. )

I guess what I am really saying is that I have never been more proud to lack fame, viva the average person!

Rock On, Jack

The Florida Highway Patrol just held a pres conference basically saying that they fined Tiger just over a hundred bucks and he gets 4 points on his driving record…  So that will be the end of this story, right?  Let’s face it, Tiger is just another cheating scum bag, I don’t know why, but I expected more from him.

I was at the post office today, I get why the employees there snap!  Just during my ten minutes in line I witnessed some extremely stupid people, imagine what you have to deal with during an 8 hour shift.  My theory, and it holds true for the bank too, is that now with modern technology most postal and banking business can be done online or at automated machines, so if you are going in you most likely are already a little lost.  Now mind you, there were a bunch of people in there like me, who knew what they needed and didn’t require any hand holding, but the ones who do cause a major disruption.

The holiday specials have started on TV, which is very cool, brings back great childhood memories of being so excited to see them.

Get this man some french fried taters!  Want to find love, look up. Jamie hates pie.  That moose hates his wife. Only yoking.  Just what you need.    I quit.  We want your fat. I think I caught a case of  loneliness.

Rock On, Jack

I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, I even wrote a blog about it not that long ago, how I was worried that my life was paralleling my fathers.

There was one Christmas I will never forget as a child, in fact it has been haunting me again recently.  I don’t know exactly how old we were, but I think just a little older than my kids are now.  My Dad had fallen on hard times, I remember watching his life crumble.  He lost his job, was not able to find another one and he slowly ran out of money…  I remember it all, he never told us that was what was happening, but even as kids we could tell.  My Dad never had a lot to begin with, not that the divorce cleared him out, he and my Mom split up what they had, and half of not much is even less.  At this point in our lives (My Sister and me) we saw my Dad way more than I currently see my kids, they truly exercised 50/50 custody, so maybe my Dad had less time to hide it from us.  It was painful for me to see his struggle, to watch his pain.

Well, Christmas rolled around, and he was flat broke and he had two kids, now we were not going to go without a Christmas, my Mom and family were more than generous and trust me as little money as we had at points my Mom always managed to spoil us a little.  But as it is in divorced families, the kids celebrate two times, and we were no different, we had our celebration with Mom and then it was off to Dads place on Christmas Day.  There were 2 presents waiting for us one for my sister and one for me.  We opened them to reveal that my father had given my sister his saxophone and me his 35mm SLR camera, knowing that she had always wanted to play it and I was very interested in photography.  This was a very thoughtful and loving gesture and we both knew that these items were treasured by him… But what I remember was the look in his eyes, there was a deep disappointment, not in our reaction, but in his situation.  I could feel the sadness, the sense of failure, the break in his spirit.

I now understand it more that I am a Father, the way your kids look at you and the desire you have to be their hero, the one they can count on.  I know Christmas is not about the what is wrapped under the tree, but about the people who are around it, but when you can not give your kids the things you want to, or the things they need for that matter, it does break your spirit and I have seen my Dad’s eyes looking back at me in the mirror…  The only difference is that when my kids are here they will not see those eyes and they will not feel what I felt.  They will not reflect back some 30+ years later and still cry, not because I am a better Dad, In fact I as much as I fight it have been traveling my failed fathers path for over a year and a half, but because I remember that pain and will do everything in my power to keep them from it.