The Hardest Part Of Being A Single Dad….
It’s not the cooking, or the laundry, I’ve always been able to handle that. It’s not the trips to the super market, one kid taking a “test bite” out of each apple we have selected while his sister tries to sneak Lucky Charms and anything else Daddy has deemed “junk” into the cart. It’s not going to the aquarium or the zoo, I can always rope my Sister or Mom into helping me with those special trips. It’s not getting both kids bathed and into their jammies, we work together and get it done quite smoothly.
The hardest part is watching it all happen alone, all the special times. I don’t mean sitting 5 or 6 rows away from my ex and her husband at Lucy’s school events, I mean those special moments that happen almost daily as your kids grow and discover. The little things that amaze you or overwhelm you, the things that can only truly be appreciated by your partner, the person who you created these miracles.
When you check on them sleeping and they look so peaceful, snoring those little snores or when they are laying on the floor concentrating so hard on the drawing they are making, crayon in fist, creating a mini-masterpiece. When you are cooking together and you go through almost the full dozen eggs just trying to learn how to crack them correctly (And Baby ends up wearing more than actually get in the mixing bowl). And the millions of other tiny, but amazing, things that they do on a daily basis. I capture many of these moments on tiny SD cards, and share them with friends and family… I have filled dozens of them. But mostly, I fill my brain with them, filing them away under the “extremely important” category, understanding how special each one is… And that I am the sole keeper of these historic moments… And that there is a full set of these moments, happening on the other side of the hill and across the basin that are being shared with someone unworthy of their greatness and power, that I will never know.
Tags: Children, Parenting, Single Dad
January 9th, 2010 at 12:10 am
I know exactly what you mean, it was hard for me too, because the father wasn’t involved at all and when it came time to make a big decision, about things like surgeries and big stuff, I had to make those alone. I alone got to bask in the glory of making the right choice, and had to suffer the agony of making the mistakes, myself. Every good choice and bad choice along the way was made solely by me, and I can say I made a lot of both.
I dont have any words to make you feel better on this way, because, you are absolutely right. I wish I had somebody for those daily moments, the funny things they say, the touchdown run in the wrong direction, the skinned knees and lost teeth, but I didn’t. I called my mom all the time, and she was interested and she was there, but as you know, its just not the same.
January 9th, 2010 at 12:12 am
Oh Jack…even being part of a married couple, you miss some special moments. I know it’s harder for you because you miss more, but unfortunately, we never get to catch them all. For example: I just explained about gays & lesbians today to my 6 yr old because she asked. Hubby missed that gem.
Hugs to you!
January 9th, 2010 at 12:22 am
Your kids are so lucky to have a dad that loves them so much. Save all of those special moments and write them down, one day when they are grown and they realize you have recorded and remembered of all of their amazing growing up moments and remember all of the things they have long forgotten, it will mean the world to them and remind them of how much you have loved them over the years. And the most wonderful thing is you will get to live them all over again remembering all the stories and amazing things they did with them. Hang in there.
January 9th, 2010 at 12:53 am
Oh no sir Jack the hard part is not watching or enjoying all those moments alone. Alone or not you will always remember all of these days. The hard part is when they grow up, the day Lucy goes on her first date or the day your boy randomly kisses you goodnight and walks down the hall………without “needing” you to tuck him in.
With or without Sparkles, the day your baby girl announces she rented her own place will throw you back!! Then who the heck do you cook dinner for?? The boy who is so preoccupied with girls he forgets how to get home, but darn he hasnt smelled so good since you bathed him yourself!!
Not by choice I raised three awesome kids by myself, 2 girls and a boy. So many times I wondered why I was relishing in their achievements alone. They were so awesome though I didnt care!
Now I care, I am so proud of them and I only have myself to share it with. Now that they are grown and obviously have to leave the nest, I am here truly alone.
January 9th, 2010 at 9:05 am
I know exactly what you are trying to say…I so get it…and again you have put on paper exactly how I feel! My 2 girls are now all grown up and they are parents, but now I have those same feelings when I watch the grandkids….sometimes Papa is there and we can share together (like on Christmas when they open our gifts)….but it’s not the same as if we had stayed married. I’m just being honest with you Jack. Great blog……honest blog. Keep being the wonderful Dad that you are, they will always remember all those special times with you, I promise! Thanks for sharing with us…
January 9th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Jack, you are a true writer. I am feeling what you wrote. It is sad. I hate to say this cause I don’t want to make it look like I’m gloating, but I thank God that my husband stuck with me all these years so we can share our special moments together. I will never know what it’s like to be alone with little ones. My youngest is 16.
My mom raised us single handedly and I know she was lonely but she immersed herself in us and never seemed to need anybody to share her life with. Not everyone is like her, though. I always wanted her to find somebody to love but she never has.
Hope it gets easier for you, Jack.
January 9th, 2010 at 9:47 pm
I know exactly what you mean. My daughter is 4, and I raise her entirely alone. I don’t even have family outside of a sister that can share in it. It hits you in the stomach sometimes, that empty and lonely feeling when they do something that makes you burst with pride and there is no one’s eye to catch to show they get it too. It happened to me today at the movies when my daughter was laughing with delight over the Chipettes and I knew it was the greatest sound in the world, but there was no one to share that moment. I just grinned to myself and tucked the memory away in my heart. Sometimes, that just has to be enough.
January 10th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
You brought tears to my eyes, Jack. Your children are so very, very blessed. *hugs* from Santa Clarita…
January 11th, 2010 at 10:44 am
That’s so true. It’s hard for all single parents. No one to share the joy with, but also the sorrows/disappointments/ hard decisions… all have to be made on your own. It is a tough job for sure.