DadJack.com Blog

If it helps, I am more than willing to take the 11:30p time slot on NBC, that way Conan and Leno can quit squabbling over it!

I walked to my lunch with Kevin today (And I actually started in Universal City, so I got to trek over much of Burbank!), I noticed that many people dressed based on the calendar today and not the actual weather… It was 80 degrees, the heavy coat, scarves and hats were not required!  I know we’re into January, but so far it’s been winter only in name.

We had lunch at the Koo Koo Fudd in Burbank (OK, they’ve already removed the Koo Koo Roo portion of it and now it’s only a Fuddruckers… But it will always be the Koo Koo Fudd to me).  It brought back good memories, Stench and I used to often lunch there… It’s a fat guy favorite.

Have you seen Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs?  (It has moved into my houses most watched list… along with Monsters Vs. Aliens and Up)  Mr. T plays the town cop and he’s always yelling at the lead character, Flynt Lockwood… Well, now I can’t stop yelling Lucy Lock -Wooooood and Bing Lock-Wooooood at the kids Mr. T style, it is stuck in my head!

Finally, a sports drink for my Ex.  Happy New Kill Mexico.   Cowell to quit Idol.  You’ve got fired. Let’s catch this a**hole!  Lucy wants these.  I believe this.    Ladies you used to get China when you got married, soon you’ll be able to almost guarantee being able to marry a Chinese man. It only took a few years to cure.

Rock On, Jack

OK, There’s no doppler… Or Hi Def… Or Fiber! But the site is new and improved! Thanks to Angela Channel, The Dadjack site is now ready for the 0-10 (That’s what I like to call 20-10). And it was perfect timing, this is the 100th blog since switching the blog over to here.

I was watching the news and they were talking about Casey Johnson ( Tila Tequila’s finance who just died, part of The Johnson & Johnson Family), and as they were going over the situation they went to her last Tweet on Twitter to see if it answered any questions… This got me thinking, if anything happens to any one of us, they will look at our last Tweet, is this how you want to be remembered?  I checked mine, and at the time of this posting, my last post on twitter as a twit pic of the kids making necklaces – not bad, but if I went missing days earlier, the news may have found “Hey mc donalds, if you have a play park you should have a changing station in the mens room!” – a little crazier!  I’m not going to change what I tweet, but just remember, every post could be the one read on the news!

Angela Channel took us to see The IMAX Under The Sea movie today… The 3D was great, the footage was cool, but to be truthful I’ve seen better ocean footage.

If I ever get one of these, shoot me! Jeter to marry. Get rid of your kids bling. What you do after you cheat with a stripper.  I wonder if this was the one there when Jamie was there.  Lindsay and cars don’t mix.   The week will flu by.   They do seem to be more relevant now-a-days.  Way to go Mayor Dumbass.

Rock On, Jack

I love to share “adventures” with my kids, but that doesn’t mean we have to hike a mountain or raft a river. One of our favorite modes of adventure is taking mass transit. Sure we all have cars, some not only with radios, but DVD players and a GPS doing more talking than you and your kids are. Hoping on a bus, subway or rail line can not only get you to some interesting places, but gives you time to take in your city with the kids without worrying about actually do the driving. Even if it’s just a short distance, my kids and I will often take the subway just one or two stops, the process can be just as interesting as the destination for little ones.

The best way to start your adventure is to look up your cities mass transit website to see what your options are (Here in L.A. – http://www.metro.net ) and then throw some snacks, extra diapers, baby wipes (no matter how old your kids are, these always come in handy) and your sense of adventure into a backpack and hit the streets!

Ethan ( State Shirt… aka my sister’s boyfriend) makes really great videos for his songs.  Here’s a couple great ones:

Hope you’re having a great weekend!
Rock On, Jack

It’s not the cooking, or the laundry, I’ve always been able to handle that.  It’s not the trips to the super market, one kid taking a “test bite” out of each apple we have selected while his sister tries to sneak Lucky Charms and anything else Daddy has deemed “junk” into the cart.  It’s not going to the aquarium or the zoo, I can always rope my Sister or Mom into helping me with those special trips.  It’s not getting both kids bathed and into their jammies, we work together and get it done quite smoothly.

The hardest part is watching it all happen alone, all the special times.  I don’t mean sitting 5 or 6 rows away from my ex and her husband at Lucy’s school events, I mean those special moments that happen almost daily as your kids grow and discover.  The little things that amaze you or overwhelm you, the things that can only truly be appreciated by your partner, the person who you created these miracles.

When you check on them sleeping and they look so peaceful, snoring those little snores or  when they are laying on the floor concentrating so hard on the drawing they are making, crayon in fist, creating a mini-masterpiece.  When you are cooking together and you go through almost the full dozen eggs just trying to learn how to crack them correctly (And Baby ends up wearing more than actually get in the mixing bowl).  And the millions of other tiny, but amazing, things that they do on a daily basis.  I capture many of these moments on tiny SD cards, and share them with friends and family… I have filled dozens of them.  But mostly, I fill my brain with them, filing them away under the “extremely important” category, understanding how special each one is… And that I am the sole keeper of these historic moments…  And that there is a full set of these moments, happening on the other side of the hill and across the basin that are being shared with someone unworthy of their greatness and power, that I will never know.

Well, or at least like I did before I got Wi-Fi at home.  One of the many downsides to being broke is that you don’t have much money to go out with… And what little I do I usually save for when the kids are here so we can go out and do stuff.  But a week straight of no kids has led to a lot of isolation, so I decided to go hang at Panera and write today’s blog.  It actually worked out better than I expected, normally the benefit is unlimited ice tea and people watching, but as I approached my usual outside blogging table (What a beautiful day, 78 and sunny, you have to sit outside!) I saw an old friend that I have known for about 18 years and I ended up sitting with him and his friend for awhile… I had actual adult conversation, it was pretty cool.  (He actually directed a really cool indie film called Chronic Town, I’ll let you know when it makes it to DVD).  So anyway, Here’s today’s blog from your man on the street (The corner of Lankershim and Chandler… You don’t get more street than that!)

Something Stench/Stretch (I’ve known him for 9+ years and I can’t get used to the Stretch thing) said on the Pod has been bugging me for a couple days now.  We got on to talking about Clear Channel (I know, Shocker!) and why he is still and most likely will always be upset with them.  In his rant (Although, by Stench terms this was a very mild one) he said “And my wife and I wouldn’t be having problems if they hadn’t screwed us”… Or something to that effect.  I know he has been catching tons of grief from his wife and is constantly under attack from her and that he was right, If we were still the morning show at STAR that wouldn’t be happening… And most likely I wouldn’t be divorced.  But this fact didn’t make me upset with CC, it made me upset with his wife and my Ex…. That’s not how it’s supposed to be when you’re a team!  When you truly have a partner, they are with you and support you through good and bad.  It just made me sad to think about.

It will be interesting to see now this whole Leno/Conan thing plays out.  I have told you before, but I enjoy Conan way more than Leno, but I’m thinking Leno wields way more power in this situation.

Oh, I forgot to mention, so when I was sitting here with my friend and crazy lady dragging one of those old lady shopping baskets behind her stopped at the corner and started screaming at us.  Most of what she said was in Spanish, but she ended with the three of us were going to hell!  I guess no more worrying about being a good person, the prophet of Lankershim has spoken… Anyone want to go out and be bad!  ( I love crazy people!  They spice things up)

Now where will I get my Billy Ray fix?  Some new Tiger audio for you.  Scramble the fighters, we got a drunk guy!  Now he has 10 years to play with his meat.  This is what I am doing right now!  Obama loves Lost.  No foam please.

Rock on, Jack

We’ve almost completed one full week of 20-10… And I have not “done any men” yet!

Thanks for the supportive comments on yesterdays post, you guys RULE!  I guess what I’m trying to figure out is in which direction my life in going in.

Big day here if you care about college football… sadly I do not, so just a normal Thursday for me.

I feel so bad, I received an email from one of you out there, and they discovered their mate was cheating on them.  That pain and betrayal is so horrible, I wish I could give you a hug… So you’ll just have to consider this a virtual hug from me (and to anyone else out there that needs one!)

I admire you if you made it through The People’s Choice Awards last night… They were pretty terrible.  In a time when most other awards shows are actually getting better, the People’s Choice continues to get worse…. They actually forced me to change the channel to Leno, you know it’s bad when I pick Leno over it.

In sickness, health and recycling. Hero mayor. This is a sad safari.  I love that he tried to flee on the Walmart scooter.  I think I was married to her.  They’re in the cave!?!? Watch for falling lizards. A little black and white in SD.  Sing along: Girls just wanna rob banks.  Sorry you’ve gotta go.

Rock On, Jack

I went for a long walk today.  It was a beautiful day today, it was what I call “fake hot”, because every time you were shielded from the direct sunlight you could feel the coolness of winter hiding in the shadows.  The path I choose was a tour of my old life and my new one.  I started out in North Hollywood where I live alone, in my small apartment, unemployed and lately, feeling hopeless.  I headed south down Lankershim to Riverside Drive and went East.  There I walked the sidewalks of my past, the places I went when my life was going at it’s best, the restaurant and bars where everyone knew me, the boutiques my wife would shop while I sat holding her purse.  Past the building I met her in, where I worked with the greatest people, the setting of my daughters first birthday.  I headed North up Hollywood Way, passing the street I lived on in High School, and continued West on Magnolia, heading right back towards reality.

I noticed that as my walk went on I would turn up my Ipod, normally I keep it at about half volume, allowing me to hear the outside world as I slowly pass it on it’s white concrete sidewalks.  But today, I wanted to be alone in public, just me walking… And to be honest, I could have just kept walking, until my legs gave out.  The sounds of the valley, of my small world, blocked out, I viewed all I passed with my own soundtrack, and my own inner dialogue.

What if this is it? All of my dreams realized, what if all I have left is who I am?  And if so, who am I?  I have always defined myself by things so easily taken from me… Husband, Radio Producer, Father.  Who am I now?  I will never be the husband I once was, I don’t think I can again be as trusting and open, after having those things used as a weapon to destroy me.  It’s been a year and a half since I have been able to make a living in radio, and the future of the industry is uncertain, so that may be over too.  I am still a Father, but only a percentage of the time, who am I the 70% of time that I am childless?

I have considered giving up the blogging and podcast, removing myself from all public forums.  But I haven’t figured out if it is really over yet?  I haven’t figured out who I am.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll walk in a totally different direction, maybe I’ll stumble upon me?

Is well, Perfect!  What a beautiful day, clear, warm, just the best So Cal winter day.  I know that those of you on the East Coast are getting blasted by cold, but here it couldn’t be better.

I kind of bummed, the Howe’s Market near my place is shutting down.  It was too pricey for me to do my regular shopping there, but it was perfect for the kids to get a treat at the bakery or stop in to see the lobsters…  And lets not forget, it had a bar in it!  So much for shopping and wine tasting.  It’s a bad sign for the neighborhood too, it shows that they really haven’t brought in the upscale industry types they were hoping too, the NoHo Arts District may really just be North Hollywood with bad public art.  Not that there aren’t a few good places left, The Kids and I highly recommend Pit Fire Pizza (The kids call it “Pizza Fire”) on the corner of Lankershim and Magnolia, They just remodeled our Ralph’s on Magnolia and Vineland,  Eclectic on Lankershim near Magnolia has a good Sunday brunch menu and Little Toni’s is very good too.

I’m excited for Stench, he has a few job options going right now, I hope one of them works out… His wife has been making his life hell, I just want to see him catch a break.  Nothing is worse than dreading being at home because all you get is grief.

For the few ladies who haven’t seen him shirtless in person.  Wheeling, that’s where I was born.   Not so sweet if you’re in Bako.  Sacred spud.  Cop busted making a donation.   The strips aren’t the only dirty things in this club.  You can die from this?  Babies and chop sticks don’t mix.  Frogger pro.  Pirates move to land.  Rubber thieves.

Rock On, Jack

I noticed, as the kids were here on their last visit, that they feel everything.  Every bump, every bang, every thud is felt with all it’s power.   Bing will run to me after any slip or blunder and request a kiss… and it breaks my heart every time.  Lucy goes through our band-aid supply like it’s water and yet rarely bleeds, the band-aid is just a tool to quite the very real, very temporary pain of that immediate  situation.

My kids feel every impact, they are effected by every bang and bruise…  I often find a cut or bruise I cannot explain.  blood stained shirt or raw wound that I realize in the shower or when clothing rubs against the point of earlier injury.

I was once a Bing or Lucy, feeling all that broke the skin.  I would cry to my Mom (my Dad no where to be found).  I would know how every drop of blood was shed.

Now, almost 40, I will find cuts and bruises days later.  Clothes stained and not revealed until I find them in the laundry.  physical pain almost ignored…. and yet mental pain, more real than ever.

When my parents got divorced I don’t remember how it felt… I know I gained weight and isolated myself (looking back), but I honestly don’t remember what I felt.  To this day, I can flash back on walking in on my wife embraced with her new husband (while she was still my wife!) and remember exactly how I felt.  I re-live it in dreams and face it on every exchange, and I have asked myself why?

As far as I can figure there are a few reasons.   When I was young I protected myself, realizing the hurt that was upon me, I blocked it.   I can honestly say for the first 30 years of my life there was only one person who could have hurt me, my sister, who had always been there for me through all the crap in my life.  And then I met my wife, I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t instant, but I grew to trust her more than anyone, and I thought we were bound forever… I trusted her more than anyone.

All that I told her, my deepest secrets shared, were used against me.   She betrayed me on so many levels it is almost unbelievable, and yet I still feel pain.  Why can’t I be like I was when I was young?  When I could shield the pain, not feel it?  I now live in a time when I can bleed without knowing and cry for someone I know longer know.

I don’t know my Ex, she is someone in her current state I would never even notice, who has morphed into what she needs to be now, no longer the woman I loved… And yet, I remember that woman, I long for her.  I will probably never see her again, exchanging my kids with a stranger, but I miss her, and I compare others to that memory.

I live a failing life, hope a thing that is easier spelled than realized, longing for a woman that no longer exists.  My heart broken, pieces swept, but unable to be re-assembled.   She building a new lie, me living the old.

I wish I could feel the pain of every cut and bruise… and forget the blows and kicks to my heart that no one can see, and only I miss.