First, Last and Never
I had my first day on the new job a couple weeks ago, I wasn’t nervous or tense, I was excited, but not in the way I was on so many of my other firsts. This time I am older, more confident, I know I can do this job, I know I can handle what ever comes at me.
Firsts and lasts are usually very memorable. I vividly remember my first kiss, my first time on stage as a “talent”, the first time I held my kids. Stuck in my mind is my last day at Star, the last day I was legally married, the last time I felt my wife loved me. These events drilled into my head, to many to mention, good and bad… But then it hit me, there are so many I can’t remember.
Lost is the last day I was truly married to my wife, our marriage crumbled over time, I remember key events that lead to it’s demise… But I can’t for the life of me remember the last day it truly felt like we were husband and wife. The last time we were a real family, I remember us all living together, my kids and I under one roof, it now feels like that was never even real… Real is the fragmented life we lead now.
My life destroyed, and I remember it as a two year trial of pain, an avalanche of lasts.
The strangest part is my life has returned to a collection of firsts. And like before they have been both good and bad… Although, lately the good have far out numbered the bad. And now I note moments better, marking them important in my mind, so that no matter what happens from this point on, I will remember first, last and always.
May 7th, 2010 at 8:24 pm
Jack, you are healing so well and definately maturing… you can look at both sides and decide which way to look at the subject… so happy for your survival of such a rough time in your life and allowing new happiness to touch you… your loyal friend and fan, Diane from the Tragic Kingdom
May 8th, 2010 at 3:55 am
Jack it’s so good to hear you say there is more good than bad now. I’m sure you couldn’t see coming through the other side of that grief 2 yrs ago, but you have
I’m so happy for you!
May 8th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
They say “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” I think you are the strongest you have ever been and am really glad you made it back to the firsts. It takes a lot of strength and courage to allow yourself to honestly feel everything, most people just block out what they can’t handle or hide it from the world while it eats them up inside. Thank you for always sharing, good and bad. You remain an inspiration to all of us struggling to accept our lasts and appreciate our firsts.