Halfway through my “adult week”
The kids have been gone since Saturday, It’s always a strange feeling when they are out of town… There is a certain comfort, even if they’re not at my house, knowing they are just a few congested freeways away. Adding to the weirdness is knowing that they are at my Ex-Wife’s wedding.
I was thinking about it the other day, Stretch always is filled with so much anger and sometimes at things I just cannot grasp being that upset about. I can’t find that anger towards much of anything… Including my Ex. It is more disappointment, in both of us. I am disappointed in her for all the obvious reasons and in myself for trusting her, believing all she said during our relationship, which now all has been proven false.
In the limited exposure I have to her (during exchanges, at school events) she acts as if nothing is wrong, as nothing has happened, like we’re friends… We are not friends. I have great friends, who I have known much longer than she, that have never let me down, toyed with my emotions or tried with all their power to destruct my life on all levels… Those are my friends.
I guess you just think of your kids as yours, as your realities being in sync, but that is not true anymore… My kids and I live in different worlds. They, in one with me and one with their mother… Different locations, experiences, friends, family, et cetera. And I, in one with them and then in another when they are not with me… When you become a parent it becomes your whole world, all encompassing, everything you do is focused and revolved around your children, especially when they are babies. I embraced that, my kids were my total focus… Now I am unfocused on them most of the week and have to try and rebuild a pseudo-pre-kids life, like I had before marriage and kids.
It’s odd because it is what so many people with spouses and kids say they want back, that freedom and personal time lost by family life… Trust me, it’s not all as it’s cracked up to be and it’s very different from what you remember. I am not 25 anymore, living as if I am as very little appeal… I want my boring life back, I was good at that, I enjoyed it.
Although I say I want my family life back, and it’s true, but as I have earlier written, I am not going to get into a relationship just to be in one… I see that too often, I saw it with my my Dad.
So for now, I will live in both my worlds, separately together.
August 11th, 2010 at 9:35 pm
Hi Jack, you’re right, having kids changes you and what you value. It’s very weird when they are away from you for more than a day or two, almost like you are just floating through your life, not really there. When kids are around, they are so full of energy, wonder, innocence – it’s contagious. I can’t say it gets easier when they get older and their worlds expand to more activities and people that don’t include you. However, it is satisfying when you see the people grow into and they still cab;t wait to share their discoveries and new experiences, their loves, delights and heartbreaks with you. In time, you will adjust and have more of your own friends and interests that are separate from them as well but you can’t go back, you are forever changed.
August 12th, 2010 at 10:53 am
Jack – Just a couple of observations- I think it’s a good thing that you don’t get so worked up and angry. It takes a lot more maturity to stay in control (especially over the everyday annoyances that seem to set Stretch off!) As far as being in another relationship, I think you’re going to find someone awesome; you have a lot more confidence now and seem to know what you want (which is REALLY attractive) Most importantly, all of these qualities you have are setting a great example for your kids- they’re going to grow up to be strong, confident people.