First, Last and Never
Friday, May 7th, 2010I had my first day on the new job a couple weeks ago, I wasn’t nervous or tense, I was excited, but not in the way I was on so many of my other firsts. This time I am older, more confident, I know I can do this job, I know I can handle what ever comes at me.
Firsts and lasts are usually very memorable. I vividly remember my first kiss, my first time on stage as a “talent”, the first time I held my kids. Stuck in my mind is my last day at Star, the last day I was legally married, the last time I felt my wife loved me. These events drilled into my head, to many to mention, good and bad… But then it hit me, there are so many I can’t remember.
Lost is the last day I was truly married to my wife, our marriage crumbled over time, I remember key events that lead to it’s demise… But I can’t for the life of me remember the last day it truly felt like we were husband and wife. The last time we were a real family, I remember us all living together, my kids and I under one roof, it now feels like that was never even real… Real is the fragmented life we lead now.
My life destroyed, and I remember it as a two year trial of pain, an avalanche of lasts.
The strangest part is my life has returned to a collection of firsts. And like before they have been both good and bad… Although, lately the good have far out numbered the bad. And now I note moments better, marking them important in my mind, so that no matter what happens from this point on, I will remember first, last and always.
